I’ve done very well at maintaining a positive outlook but the one person I love has fucking tore me down so bad this time.
Long story short because I have no sex drive - and no health insurance to get me the medicines I need- he no longer “has a connection with me”. When we went out Friday night, I danced with him a little bit but otherwise, I was kinda spacey. Everybody around us was really fucked up. And apparently, I was an embarrassment because I wasn’t all over him like the surrounding couples. (I’m more embarrassed that I’m actually putting this out here but I need to vent.)
He refuses to understand I have little to no control over my sex drive. And just continues to make me feel like shit. And yet, I think the fucking world of him. He had to put down his family cat yesterday, 17 years old…and he came home crying. I hugged him and comforted him and made him food. He slept for 18 hours…I laid up against his back and kissed him.
He says its not just physical but emotional. The only example he continues to use is Friday night. And I live with him, on a one year lease. So I just feel so stuck. But I can’t leave anyway. Although he has no connection with me, I do to him. And I hate it so fucking much.